What a Life

This is our normal. When Jade was born, I told all of the doctors in the NICU that we were okay… we were “just going to have to figure out our new normal.” Well… this is it, I think. For now, at least. I’m sure it will change as life goes on.

Up until now it has been mostly the same, with a few changes when she started school. The worries, the celebrations, the inchstones, the milestones. The IEP meetings, the messages from her teacher, the calls from her principal about behavior issues that we don’t know how to fix. The plans for success, the bumps in the road, the unwavering belief that she will get there in her own time. Not knowing what happens during the day and how it makes her feel. The questions from us with the simple answers from her because she either doesn’t know how to articulate what she’s feeling or it didn’t affect her enough to care. The battles to get her to take medicine that end in tears from both of us. The advocating. The worry. The love… so much love. The hugs. The snuggles. The random “I love you”s and “you’re the best mom in the world.” The fullest heart.

Someone told me once that anyone who says they are happy with this life is lying… that no one would choose this. I’m not lying. I’ve never lied about this. This life is so wonderful and fulfilling and eye-opening and beautiful. And sometimes, it’s also hard. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the hard parts, because that is life and even in the hard parts, there is beauty.

Sometimes I wish I could just keep her with me forever to keep her safe. I love her more than anyone ever could or ever will. Of that, I am certain. But that is no way for her to live. Her independence is so important to me. I am raising her (and her siblings) to one day watch her spread her beautiful wings and fly.

What a life. 💛💙