Let’s Try Together

Writing this down makes me want to cry. Well… I guess the fact of it just makes me want to cry.

Jade sits alone on the bus these days because no one wants to sit with her. I don’t know if it bothers her– she hasn’t mentioned it. I only know it happens because Elyse tells me. I figured we would get here someday, but this feels soon and it hurts my mama heart just as much as I thought it would.

She used to sit with Lysee, but there was an incident a few weeks ago that eliminated that option. It was our first experience with what felt as close to bullying as I want to get– and it was not even bullying! Just an unfortunate situation.

I could ask Elyse to sit in the front of the bus with her so she’s not alone, but I struggle with putting that burden on Elyse. I don’t ever want Elyse to feel burdened by Jade. It’s a tough balance because I think there is an inherent burden as the older sister of someone who society has always viewed as different, and therefore, less. Elyse loves Jade, but she is a typical big sister. She doesn’t want to be with her all the time. She doesn’t want to have to take care of her. She doesn’t want to be responsible for anyone except herself. She wants to be with her friends and do her own thing. I don’t blame her at all. I do hope, though, that one day she WANTS to sit with Jade, and advocate for her when Jade can’t advocate for herself, and hang out with her because she’s a really cool person.

I just want everyone to see Jade for the magic that she is. I know that is asking a lot of kids, so I’m not asking it… I’m just wishing it. I want them to see and appreciate her genuine smile. Her innocent outlook on life. Her unabashed happiness when something good happens– like when I turn on her favorite show, or she eats something she really enjoys, or she climbs into her cozy bed, or she sees someone she loves a lot.
I want them to see her pure heart. Her light.

Most adults who know Jade see the magic. I have an incredible group of friends and among us, we have a giant gaggle of kids. 😊 One of those friends whispered to me the other day, “I know we’re not supposed to have favorites… but Jade is mine!” And I get it! There is something wonderful about Jade, not despite her differences but BECAUSE of them.

I wonder when that shift happens– at what age are people capable of seeing the beauty in disability? I think that is the core of my question. It’s a hard one for me to swallow because I think we have quite a few years of hard, and hurt, and heartache ahead of us before Jade’s peers see her for all the good that she is. I don’t like to sound pessimistic, but this is how I have been feeling lately.

This is why I write and advocate. Let’s talk to our kids about celebrating differences and inclusion. It’s a pretty simple idea, but much more difficult to actually follow through on (believe me, I have a hard time with it with my own kids). Let’s talk about it often– you never know when it will stick. Let’s teach our kids to be kind humans. These conversations are so important. Don’t worry about always saying the right thing to your kids– just say something. Use Jade as an example, if it’s helpful.
Ask me anything, if you have questions. I don’t know all of the answers. I’m constantly figuring out how to navigate this life and parenthood and raising good humans. I fail often, but I’m trying. Let’s talk about it!

Let’s try together. ❤️