Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to be all that I need to be for Jade.
I can write blogs and shout her worth from the rooftops all day everyday, but will it be enough? Will it land on the ears that matter? It is easy to write blogs where I can type and delete and type and delete until it reads perfectly. Conversations are harder.

She is in her second year of preschool now, which means that where there used to be one person (me!) managing all of the activities geared toward her success, there is now a team. I believe that a team is a good thing… And she most certainly has a fantastic one.
But I have heard too many horror stories to completely let my guard down… even in this second year, which has been nothing short of amazing.

What if her team and I disagree one day? What if there comes a time when they don’t have her best interest in mind? (I don’t see this happening anytime soon, but her time in the school system is just beginning!) What if I miss something or don’t advocate hard enough or don’t mention the things I need to or let something slip through the cracks? What if I don’t have the heart to push back and fight for what Jade deserves? What if I don’t have the courage to say “You cannot limit her! Her potential is limitless and I vowed to always give her every opportunity I could. You absolutely cannot limit her. She can do ANYTHING.”

What if I focus on the wrong things? What if she is bullied? Will she stand up for herself? How do I teach her to stand up for herself? How do I help her maintain the necessary self-confidence and self-love to let all of the negativity of the world roll off her shoulders? How do I nurture her “keep trying and never give up” attitude to ensure that it never dies? How do I make sure she knows that she can do hard things? What if, one day, someone on her team forgets that she is an individual and puts her in the “Down syndrome box,” assuming that she has the exact strengths and weaknesses as every other person with Down syndrome (this happens far too often). What if she is not given opportunities simply because it is assumed that she can’t?

And then I remember that this is Jade I am talking about. And I will tell you right now that she CAN. This girl has been proving me wrong since before she could talk. We walked into her first PT session with a new therapist when she was about 8 months old and I said “she’s not sitting up yet,” as I lowered her down onto the mat. And guess what she did? She planted her little hands on the ground as I put her down on her bum and she sat and looked at me… she SAT and looked at me. I could see it in her eyes– “Oh yea, Momma? Mention something else I can’t do.”

She does this to me ALL. THE. TIME.
When she was little, it became a running joke between me and many of her therapists. I say that she can’t do something yet and she immediately does that exact thing. I say that she ALWAYS does something and guess what? She doesn’t do it. She’s stubborn like me. It is a quality in her that I admire so much because I know it will take her far (even though it sometimes drives me crazy!).

From the beginning, time and time again, she has shown me that she can do anything.
“Do not put limits on me.”

And so, when these doubts and questions arise about my competence to be her fiercest cheerleader and strongest advocate, I just have to take a breath and remember who we are talking about here. This is Jade and she will not be limited.