If I’m being completely honest, I don’t really remember my life before Jade– meaning, my life before Down syndrome was such a normal part of it. Sure, I remember there being two and a half years where Elyse was an only child. I remember being newly married with no kids. I remember life before Peter. I remember growing up all over the United States with the best family imaginable.
…but I don’t really remember my life without Down syndrome. And maybe that’s because I was always meant to live this life and somewhere in my subconscious, I knew it.
My earliest memory of Down syndrome is an interesting one. I don’t remember how old I was– probably six or seven. I was on the West Coast with my family for a vacation of sorts. My parents were at a retreat and the kids had different activities planned for them during the days. There was one day where another woman who was at the retreat asked my mom to watch her daughter because she didn’t have childcare. Looking back on this, it doesn’t make sense. I don’t really know what the circumstances were or if I am remembering any of it correctly– All I know is that there was a day when my mom watched a 7-year-old girl named April.
I remember April running up to my mom and giving her a huge hug as soon as my mom agreed to watch her. She was so loving, happy, and completely accepting of a total stranger. My memory of our day spent with April is full of laughter and happiness and fun. April has Down syndrome, but I didn’t know it at the time. At this point in my life, I had probably never heard the words “Down syndrome.” I could tell that something was different about April but I didn’t know what it was and, frankly, I didn’t care because she was so fun.
That was my very first exposure to anyone with Down syndrome. I don’t have a lot of other memories about that day because I was so young. I just know that the memories I do have are very positive.
The next time I remember Down syndrome being significant in my life is when I was in third grade and my incredible teacher, Donna Russell, read my class a book called “The Man Who Loved Clowns.” Again, I was fairly young and I don’t remember a lot of what this book was about. (Having recently looked up the book to write this, I bet if I went back and read it now, I wouldn’t like it nearly as much.)
But I do remember what I consider to be the most important part of the book. One of the main characters was a man named Uncle Punky and he had Down syndrome. I remember, once again, thinking how fun and loving and full of light this character was.
Mrs. Russell also drove home one extremely important lesson which I tried to ingrain in every fiber of my being– accept others as they are and celebrate differences.
There were other times in my life before Jade where I had brief encounters with people with Down syndrome and I only have positive memories of them. But, April and Uncle Punky really set the tone for me. So much so that after I had Jade, my sister, Lauren, shared with me an interesting conversation she and I had when we were in high school, which I had forgotten.
I told her once that I wouldn’t mind having a child with Down syndrome. I said that… out loud… to my sister. What?! Sometimes I wonder if maybe I manifested Jade right into my life.
Neither my sister nor I remember our conversation being prompted by anything in particular or why I would have said that. I do, however, remember having those thoughts on and off in my life, since early in my childhood.
When I asked Lauren about our high school conversation, she said this: “When we were talking about it I think you said, ‘I would be really open to having a kid with Down syndrome’ in a that-wouldn’t-bother-me kind of way.”
And it doesn’t bother me. Not one bit. In fact, I celebrate it. I celebrate Jade and all of the lessons she has taught my family, my friends, and our expanding bubble. I celebrate her smile and her persistence and her joy. I celebrate her love and her light.
And everyday, I celebrate the fact that I now get to spend a lifetime helping her spread that light to the whole entire world.
Star-Eyed Girl 